Things I'll never figure out.

This morning I got a commission statement for my Feb 6 payment. I'll be getting commissions in dribs and drabs through March as everything tapers off.

Typically New Sales Revenue is paid 2 months behind, Total Billed Revenue is paid 3 months behind and there's an annual payment for Customer Satisfaction that's paid in March or April.

New Sales Revenue is paid on a Trimester basis, actual percentages month by month, and "trued-up" at the end of the Trimester, in this case December. So I was paid at 103% for three months, then I closed out the Trimester at 108%, so I'm owed an additional 5% for all four months. Not only that, but there are accelerators for any percentage over quota, so I get all that dough too. Complicated? You Bet! That's the point. If it were simple, you could actually challenge their computations. If it's so complex that it takes a Super-Computer to figure it out, you have a tendency to just take their word for it.

Total Billed Revenue is paid monthly and trued-up at the end of the year. In 2007 we had an account deck and our TBR was based on the performance of those accounts, in 2008 we were paid on the performance of the entire Signature Account Group. So in 2007 I was paid at 113% of my TBR (woo-hoo!) 2008 was dismal and I think that the final figure was 83%. BUT. If you leave the company, the policy is to give you 100% (rather than anything over that, with accelerators...) So it looks like I got all that dough, trued up for an entire year.

I've asked my compensation analyst to verify it for me, because, again, as I've said, this is really confusing!

The upshot is that I'm getting a rather large check in the next couple of days, one that I didn't expect. Yea!

Another thing I'll never figure out is how kids who are on American Idol don't understand how Hollywood Week works, in particular how group day works.

They get in groups and either professionally work and have a great audition, or they have drama and psychosis and have a horrible audition. But actually, it doesn't matter because if you're good, you're good and how the rest of your group does is rather immaterial. The task isn't "put together a great singing group." The task is actually, "deal with people and still come out smelling like a rose." So people stress and agonize over the idiots they're working with and lose sight of the big picture, which is, "be good."

Yet another thing I'll never figure out is how people on Hell's Kitchen, after 5 seasons, haven't been cooking the stuff on Ramsey's menu at home so that they're ahead of the game when they get to LA. Really? You don't know how to make risotto? I'm baffled.