I can't believe that I did it.

I applied for teaching jobs. Is this prematurely desperate?

In nearly every district, there's a path for people without a teaching credential to teach while getting all the stuff they need. In my last teaching gig I got an emergency/temporary certificate. I had 3 years to get all my ducks in a row to complete my certification for a permanent certificate.

In Dekalb county there's a new school 36 miles away in Lithonia, GA. It's entirely green with a negative carbon footprint. My last school was 60 years old and riddled with mold, asbestos and bad vibes. The school will be in its first year starting in Sept.

I keep thinking that if only I didn't do certain things, that my previous experience teaching might have been better. Where did I go wrong?

1. I was unprepared. I entered in the middle of the term and had no lesson plans, curriculum or any kind of notion as to how to teach.

2. I was too lenient. I let the kids walk all over me. There's a joke, "don't smile until Christmas." Meaning that you shouldn't let the kids know that you might be good tempered.

3. I taught English. The students were forced into this class, it's compulsary. If I teach business/computers, there's not as much stress or drama. Not so many writing papers to grade, no remediation with regards to standardized testing. Kids can see how the skills you get in a business class can translate into the real world. Try explaining how The Odyssey translates into the real world. (Hint: it doesn't)

4. I chose a school with Block Scheduling. This is a brutal schedule with four 2 hour classes in a day. You can't hold a teenager's attention for an hour, let alone two. The accelerated schedule also meant that you had to have 8 graded assignments a week. That's a lot of writing and testing and grading. A LOT.

5. In order to make more money I worked through my prep period. In Block scheduling you typically work three classes with one off for prep. Not me. Not only did I work through my prep class, I worked all day Fridays. This was the same as summer school for us. I could have had it off, but I needed the dough, so I worked. I was exhausted all the time!

6. I graded too easily. I identified with the students too much. I also thought that a grade should be a carrot, not a stick. I've revised my thinking on that. This time around there's a rubric and I'm sticking to it. I'll feel bad about the kid working his or her heart out and not getting anywhere. I'm sure my math teachers felt the same about me. It didn't help my grade.

7. I didn't ask for enough help. I should have leaned more on my department head and my assistant principal.

8. I was idealistic. Too many movies, not enough real life. I thought that I would be inspiring. I learned that it's not how you present the material, it doesn't matter. Either the kids get it or they don't. The coolest lesson plans I had were still ridiculed and mocked.

9. I wore dowdy clothes. It might have been that I was reflecting a defeated inner spirit, or that I didn't want to mess up my nice outfits, but the kids discounted me with my horrible, cheap outfits. If I do it again, this time I'm dressing nicely.

10. I won't get to intensely into it. It's a job, it's worth doing well, but although one good teacher can change the path of one student, you can't save them all. It's that starfish story "it mattered to that one." Sometimes you have to accept that the timing is off. Not all smart kids are ready to act right and do right. The less I invest personally, the better off we'll all be.

Don't get me wrong, this is the last resort. If none of the other jobs comes through, and if for some reason a teaching job does, then I'll give it my best shot.

At least if this is my destiny, then I have a better handle on it than I did the last time.