What the Hell Demographic is this?

It's no secret that I pass my days watching a lot of television. I start at ten with People's Court, move on to Law and Order, C.I., then there's a couple of hours of who knows what channel surfing, then some Law and Order, Judge Judy, and maybe Divorce Court. I make no apologies, of my slim options, this is what I prefer. Sometimes I mix it up with Maury, but usually, it's the above.

What I find really interesting is the types of commercials during this programming.

1. Personal Injury Lawyers: You're hurt! You need to get paid! Sign up with me and get paid!

It's as though the folks who are watching court shows are trying to get pointers for their cases, that's about the only reason I can think that there are back to back to back PI attorney ads on.

2. Trade Schools: Hey! You're sitting on the sofa watching crap, why not go into financial aid debt to learn a skill that will provide a job that is barely above minimum wage!

Gee, you mean that there's a bunch of education involved in that intake stuff the medical assistant does at the doctor's office? I took EMT training and learned how to do a pulse and BP in about ten minutes.

3. Diet Pills: Yo! Fat-Ass! Do something.

I'll cop to it. My favorite thing to do while watching all of this shitty television is to scarf down junk food. Maybe if I took an unproven herbal and chemical compound I might not eat so much. Maybe, maybe not.

4. Tax Prep: You're broke, you owe people money and the only way you can get this money is to have us prepare your taxes!

The obvious assumption is that we'll only be seeing these commercials through April 15, but they're only targeting people who are owed money back from the government, and trust me, those folks aren't waiting so I'd be surprised if they go beyond Valentine's Day. As I've said here before, it's a scam, here's how it works:

The person brings in their W-2 to a tax prep person. In most cases the person only needs a 1040EZ form filled out. It's a one page document with boxes on it to put your numbers in. When I filled them out it took me all of 5 minutes to do. So why do they go to a tax prep place? Because they can get an advance against their refund, in other words, cash right now! How long does it normally take to get a tax refund? About two weeks. The costs? With the tax prep fee and the "loan" fee about 25 % of the total refund! God bless America!

Oh, and have I mentioned how racist these commercials are? Magic Johnson talking about teamwork (are you laughing?) My favorite is a place called Mo' Money Taxes. There's a white guy in drag speaking ebonics with the name Ma Medea...Oh, I can't go on, it's beyond anything you can imagine. Tyler Perry has an actionable case though, that much I know.

5. Buy here, pay here Car Lots: Bad credit? Need a car? Want to pay 5 times what it's worth?

Drive Time, JD Byrider, these are the big names, but there are the local guys too. It's not a monthly payment, but a weekly payment. Hey! Use your tax refund as a down payment, in fact, bring your W-2 to us, we'll prepare your taxes and you can drive away today! (If the damn thing starts that is...)

6. Rent-to-Own: Can't afford stuff you don't need? Too proud to go to thrift stores? Want to pay 5 times what it's worth?

I can't afford a 42" flat screen TV either, but I'll make due with the tube jobby until I can. If you want to go to one of these excuses for usery, then good on ya mate. They sell damn near everything in these places. Furniture, computers, appliances, anything that people want or need, it's loan sharking pure and simple.

7. Over-priced Liability Insurance: Driving a hooptie? Need insurance,? We offer weekly payment plans!

The latest wrinkle is people who admit to letting their insurance lapse due to economic hardship and how they were welcomed back by the insurance company. The narrative usually describes how they were in an accident, lost their license and subsequently are in a bigger hole now, than when they had to skip their payment.

Previously it was a lady with groceries complaining about gas prices, but now that gas has come down in price, it's this new financial appeal.

Okay, I'm a little too schooled in this. Time to watch some Law and Order reruns that I taped in the middle of the night so I'd have something to watch during the noon to three lack of programming.

Dreams that are completely obvious

I know, writing about your dreams is the ultimate in self-indulgence, but this one was just so strange.

I'm on a cruise with my sister and parents. The ship has docked and I'm not packed up. Although I only want to have a carry-on with the things that I brought, my family members insist on me packing all sorts of crap that they brought with them.

I'm frantically trying to pack my clothes in my carry-on and I'm leaving behind full bottles of perfume because the TSA won't let me carry them on. I don't want to check a bag. As I'm trying to get my stuff into my bag, my family is hassling me to add more things, things I don't want.

I'm also concerned because we're being hurried off the boat and my cabin steward, although being nice, is trying to get me out too. I'm worried about tipping him and I have $50 that I keep trying to give him, but every time I go to give it to him, he goes off somewhere else.

I should also add that the ship is kind of old and funky, not nice like cruise ships I've been on.

My sister is trying to help me, but she's bogged down in wanting me to save things I don't want too.

So, I think we're talking about Baggage here. My dad is a complete pack rat and my mom is totally sentimental about everything and my sister feels guilty about not wanting things so she keeps them in her garage. Me. Screw that, I don't want anything weighing me down.

My mom called last week asking me what of her jewelery I wanted, since they were doing their will. I know it was impolitic, but I said none. Then she says, "What about those pieces I got with you in Korea?" She meant the weird orange stones, a pendant, ring, bracelet, who knows what all else. She had an outfit made to match, so she can go out looking like the Great Pumpkin or something. Okay, sure.

She did ask me to bring back her wedding china when we drive back to Dallas next. I'm glad to do it. I've had it for about 12 years and I've never taken it out of the quilted containers. I'm too scared to use it and honestly, when do I entertain such that what I prepare needs to be served off of bone china?

She offered me another set of china (in her travels she's collected two more sets.) No thanks. The regular ceramic plates I bought at Target for $20 for a service for 6 is just fine for the likes of me.

WWTD?

What would Tarzan Do?

This is in honor of James's latest enterprise, Blog of Tarzan. It's hilarious and born out of a Jeopardy category. I'll link to it if I can find it.

I applied for a job at Avon as a District Sales Manager. A couple of times in my life I've sold Avon as a way to get some extra spending money. It is what it is. My friend Nini sells Avon, so in case they call to interview me, I ordered one of their fragrances, Mark Pure. Mark is their younger line and I'm hoping that the scent is light and won't give me a headache, like pretty much every other fragrance.

The whole thing should be interesting if nothing else.

I've also applied for some other jobs. Some jobs, specifically with the Federal government have been canceled. That's not good, but it's not outrageous either.

Home Depot Expo is going out of business, I need some tile for the downstairs bathroom, but it's been my experience that when these places go out of business that nearly nothing you'd want is put on sale. Expo has some things in stock, but most are special order. So floor models and stock items might be sold or they might be shipped back to the manufacturer. They're not going to give it to me for free because they know my basement bathroom needs some period black and white tile. Also, this means that one of the largest companies in Atlanta isn't hiring.

I got contacted by a recruiter today. I'm suspicious, but I think that serves me well. If this guy has a line on a job and he wants to hook me up then it's all good. I looked at his linked in profile and frankly it's not all that interesting, one way or the other.

Okay, now to prowl the outsourcing website to see some crap there.

Sure. It's really helpful.

Start your engines!

Why is it that I have such a hard time getting going on doing chores?

It didn't used to be this way. I remember that shopping of any sort was the reward and I would only allow myself to go shopping if every speck of housework was done. Now, I use shopping as the excuse for why the housework didn't get done.

Let's get real. Although I am very committed to my job search it doesn't take all day. There is no reason this house shouldn't sparkle and shine. Additionally, it's good for the chi of the house to be clean, so it's in my interest to do the housework.

I decided that Feng Shui would be the answer to jogging loose a job, I had plans to get red ribbon to tie on the phone and computer lines. I was going to jazz up the dining room where the money corner of our house it. I was going to clean out the Christmas stuff (presents we don't want) from the guest room, where the Career section of the house is. I was going to sort out James's room, where the Helpful People part of the house is. Put new names in the pot and all of that.

I planned to update my Vision Board with more job oriented items.

And yet, I invent excuses and other time wasters to have a reason not to clean. Today I went grocery shopping and plant shopping. Yesterday I did laundry. Actually I folded laundry, James worked the machines. See? Dare I say that I'm lazy?

I'll admit that I'm depressed about being cooped up in the house. You know it's bad when you've seen all the Law and Order repeats. Twice.

It's not like I don't have things to do, I totally do!

I did plant some red flowers by the door, bought a bamboo plant for the desk and some purple flowers for the dining room.

I guess I'll take it in small steps.

There it is

Oddly enough I got the other check yesterday. I went directly to the bank and deposited it. On Tuesday all of the funds will be available. Additionally I did our taxes and figured out our refund.

It's scary. That's it, there's nothing more to really look forward to. No more checks (figuratively, literally I get two more from the Death Star, lagging commissions.) I'll get unemployment, but it's not really all that much, not compared to what I had made.

I run our financial lives windfall to windfall, which is pretty stupid in actuality. We have a plan for the disbursement of the funds, with a certain portion going into savings to live off of in case I can't get a job quickly. I am rather proud of the fact that we can get by for the rest of the year on James's salary if we have to. I guess that's one thing that worked out for us in all of this.

I did apply for a Qwest job. It's a Global Account job, relationship based, not so much hunting. I'm still ambivalent though, I know that Di had a bad experience with them, and they aren't much of anything here in the South, but I'd love to talk with them to see what it's all about. Goodness knows I could do the job blindfolded with one hand tied behind my back.

And now to find my feng shui book. I'm going to clean the house tomorrow and I need to shake up the chi around here!

New photo, new attitude

You may notice that the profile photo has changed. There's a reason for that.

I had my first meeting with the outplacement agency this morning. It was mostly a get acquainted type of deal, showing us around the website, explaining the webinars, discussing our options. There were two other guys on the call with me and the counselor. one guy a VP from Merrill Lynch and the other guy from the mining industry in Arizona.

I've been reading the materials that they sent to me via UPS and one of the things was to upload my own website. I figure that LinkedIn is as good a forum as any, and if I Google myself it's the first thing that you see. The pic there was taken by my buddy Summer in her mom's front yard. It was okay, but not really the kind of thing you want to use to make a good first impression on a prospective employer.

About once a decade I get a professional photo taken of myself. In the 80's, I did Optifast and worked out and lost a lot of weight so I had pro photos taken. In the 90's we needed a picture for our business cards so I went to Glamour Shots. Hilarious! So now I went to a place at the mall called Headshots. Guy was nice enough and the benefit was that he could retouch it right there and then. We diddled around on PhotoShop and I have to say that I'm pretty happy with the results.

I'm not happy about how little my head looks on my body, but there's no one to blame but myself there.

So I think that the new photo looks more professional and flattering. If somehow someone stumbles across the site, they can see how I would look sitting in the office, instead of in a sundress on a lawn.

Random News

Free make up. It's a class action suit based on price fixing in the cosmetics industry. (How can you fix a price on something that is entirely of subjective value?) At any rate, here's the website with the details. I'm going to the mall tomorrow to see if there's anything left. Like I have anything better to do with my time?

http://weblogs.newsday.com/features/home/cheap_thrills_blog/2009/01/free_makeup_today_at_macys_and.html

Officially Unemployed

Yesterday was a holiday so I couldn't deposit my check, or go to the library or file my claim at the unemployment office. So again today I woke up, got dressed and actually put on make-up so I could go out and run these errands.

I spent two hours at the unemployment office. I've been there three times now, the first time to get the information, the second to sign up and this last time to sign up now that I'm eligible to sign up.

They are very pleasant there and they say reassuring things to you about your job search. I'm rather amazed, it's as though they really want you to get back to your profession so that you can be happy.

There's a short orientation where they explain the process, then you go to a computer to input all of your information. When you are done, they take two copies of your official separation papers and from here on in you do your claim on line. After a few weeks they might ask you in to do a workshop, if that's the case you must then submit a green log form showing all of the information from your job search. It's hilariously old-school. What's the address? To whom did you submit your resume? What's his or her phone number?

It's as if they missed the Internet all together. People asked questions, "What if you submitted to a company that didn't list their name?" The answer, "Then don't put that one on the sheet." Seems simple enough to me.

At about 7 PM last night our doorbell rang. I thought it was the neighbor and her dog stopping in to get warm before continuing her walk, but no, it was UPS delivering my developmental materials from the outplacement firm. I thumbed through the book and it seems straight forward enough. They pretty much say that rather than blindly submitting resumes to job listings that the successful job seeker bothers hiring managers. This is probably why that information is usually a closely guarded secret.

I'm pretty good at social engineering, I can call into places and get people to give me information. The information that I received says that it takes about 30 to 50 contacts before the average person gets a job. They also say that most job seekers don't devote the correct amount of time to the job search. Both are probably true, but I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

There's a conference call on Thursday with the outplacement firm with me and some of their other clients. I'm reserving judgment. I'll let you know how it all goes. I did draft another resume, complete with an objective: A sales position that will allow me to combine my love of teaching and mentoring with my skills and experience in sales.

Check #1 recieved, just waiting for the big one.

I didn't leave the house yesterday, except to get the mail. I ran out in my nightie and flip flops in 30 degree weather to the mailbox. As I expected the first of my two checks arrived. Yea!

I'll deposit it in the bank tomorrow. I have to walk it in, since the ATM limits the amount of money you can deposit.

The wheels are turning as to what I'm going to pay off with this one. I get the next and final installment around Feb 15.

I have to put aside some dough to float us for a few months of unemployment. Then we really hack away at debt. Of course there's a desire to say, "Hey, let's take a couple thousand and go someplace." Paris. New York. With winter being so ugly the rates could be really cheap. But James is the voice of reason and he says, "Let's pay everything off first." Okay Pookie!

I did go out to buy a cute dress I saw in a Lane Bryant ad. I had a coupon so I got it at a discount. I also did some grocery shopping, so the larder is groaning. I can't be concerned if I have a full pantry.

While I was at the Mall I had Falafel for lunch. I woke up one day and decided that I needed to start liking falafel. I bought some mix for the actuall falafel balls, but it's the sauces that make the thing. Or so I'm told. I've never really had one before and I wanted to know what I was aiming for taste-wise. Apparently garlic is a rather large component.

I saw a couple of ladies in head-scarves at the falafel/gyro stand so I asked them how I should order it. The guy behind the counter was super-helpful too. For example I let them add the chilis. Wow! It was lemony, crunchy, tangy, garlicky and really, really good. I couldn't finish it, it was so filling.

I want to find some really good pitas, so I'm going to go to Buford Hwy tomorrow and find a store where I can get the right stuff. No sense in playing around in the Kosher section of Kroger...although, there is that kosher Kroger where the rabbis work, they probably have a HUGE section of middle eastern foods. It's interesting how my local grocery store caries five different brands of hummus, in addition to the different types of hummus.

Okay, I'm off to search recipes for sauces and tahini.

It's a jungle out there

You've got to keep your eyes open.

This morning on LinkedIn I saw a job for an International Management Trainee. Don't the words just ring like a bell? It's on LinkedIn, so it's got to be exclusive. I read the copy and it's pretty obvious that they're looking for fresh-faced folks out of school.

I admit that I'm jealous, I've been aching for that kind of position. You know, the one where they say, "Hey little one, you've done a great job getting yourself through school, now we'll take your brain and make you a manager here at our company." From the description of the company I believed that they were in interactive internet marketing firm, like Google. Hey, that could be sweet, so even though I KNOW that I'm too old, I applied.

After I completed their goofy questionnaire (tell us about your summer jobs,) it was then that I googled them. You know it's going to be a problem when you type the name of the company and the recommended search words include "scam." So then I read the information about the scam.

Apparently all the company does is recruit young people to do telemarketing. Additionally, they recommend that you watch Boiler Room to get an idea of the craft. EWWWWWW! (I love the movie, don't get me wrong, it's the idea that it's a good model that's icky.)

I immeadiately followed my email with another one asking them not to contact me. That'll teach me.

What exactly will that teach me? That all that glitters is not golden. That my initial instinct to bypass the job, even if it was for the wrong reason, was the right instinct. That I should research things before I just get all excited about them.

I have got to stop feeling vulnerable. I'm in a VERY good position and I can wait for the right job at the right place. I do not have to post for every halfway decent job, I can afford to be picky. After all, I am gifted, talented, smart, positive, funny and awesome to be around. A company is lucky if I decide to go work for them. They aren't doing ME the favor of offering me a job, I am doing THEM a favor by deciding to give them my energy and intellectual property.

It's only a mild freak-out

Thanks Scissors for the words. I think I can explain a bit here. It's just me, being crazy.

Yesterday I was checking out LinkedIn and I found a job that seemed to be tailor-made for one of my former colleagues, so I sent it to him. He emailed me back saying that he had started a new job at Qwest, not only that, but a second position was filled by another of our colleagues and they were both off to Denver for training. And then I went insane.

Did I apply for that job? Why yes I did. Did I even get an interview? Nope.

Then, I woke up this morning and there were 4 emails telling me that I wasn't going to be selected for any further consideration for other jobs I had applied for. Begin complete and total freak-out.

I decided that there was something wrong, and it was wrong with me. Or the universe. I needed counsel. So off I took myself to my friendly neighborhood New Age bookstore and presented myself to the resident psychic who canceled his afternoon appointments to see me. (No, he had an opening, but isn't it more dramatic that way?)

Carl channeled my Grandpa Boots and told me some interesting stuff. First of all, the job at Qwest wasn't the right opportunity for me. Secondly, I am a freight train, I am on a track and I'm getting where I'm going. Apparently the job is going to show up within the next 3 months, and there are currently 5 different companies that are right for me. The problem is that my resume is too flat, it needs dimension. I mentioned that my lazy eye prevents me from seeing in 3 dimensions, but apparently I was being too literal.

Also, my sister is going to meet her beshert this summer (Grandpa was very insistant on me passing that information along.)

I went home feeling pretty good and I've decided to raise my sights for a great job. It's out there, it's mine, I just need to claim it!

Later that afternoon....

Scott called from the office, Marriott had sent me some promotional stuff and he wanted to send it on to me (isn't he sweet?) We got to talking about the Qwest thing, and it turns out that a bunch of not-so-great BellSouth folks are working there and the job isn't what I thought it was, it's just selling switched long-distance. If I had to pick a job that would wither my soul, selling switched long-distance would be that job.

Funny, isn't it, that when things are put into perspective that there's no reason to freak-out.

I can't believe that I did it.

I applied for teaching jobs. Is this prematurely desperate?

In nearly every district, there's a path for people without a teaching credential to teach while getting all the stuff they need. In my last teaching gig I got an emergency/temporary certificate. I had 3 years to get all my ducks in a row to complete my certification for a permanent certificate.

In Dekalb county there's a new school 36 miles away in Lithonia, GA. It's entirely green with a negative carbon footprint. My last school was 60 years old and riddled with mold, asbestos and bad vibes. The school will be in its first year starting in Sept.

I keep thinking that if only I didn't do certain things, that my previous experience teaching might have been better. Where did I go wrong?

1. I was unprepared. I entered in the middle of the term and had no lesson plans, curriculum or any kind of notion as to how to teach.

2. I was too lenient. I let the kids walk all over me. There's a joke, "don't smile until Christmas." Meaning that you shouldn't let the kids know that you might be good tempered.

3. I taught English. The students were forced into this class, it's compulsary. If I teach business/computers, there's not as much stress or drama. Not so many writing papers to grade, no remediation with regards to standardized testing. Kids can see how the skills you get in a business class can translate into the real world. Try explaining how The Odyssey translates into the real world. (Hint: it doesn't)

4. I chose a school with Block Scheduling. This is a brutal schedule with four 2 hour classes in a day. You can't hold a teenager's attention for an hour, let alone two. The accelerated schedule also meant that you had to have 8 graded assignments a week. That's a lot of writing and testing and grading. A LOT.

5. In order to make more money I worked through my prep period. In Block scheduling you typically work three classes with one off for prep. Not me. Not only did I work through my prep class, I worked all day Fridays. This was the same as summer school for us. I could have had it off, but I needed the dough, so I worked. I was exhausted all the time!

6. I graded too easily. I identified with the students too much. I also thought that a grade should be a carrot, not a stick. I've revised my thinking on that. This time around there's a rubric and I'm sticking to it. I'll feel bad about the kid working his or her heart out and not getting anywhere. I'm sure my math teachers felt the same about me. It didn't help my grade.

7. I didn't ask for enough help. I should have leaned more on my department head and my assistant principal.

8. I was idealistic. Too many movies, not enough real life. I thought that I would be inspiring. I learned that it's not how you present the material, it doesn't matter. Either the kids get it or they don't. The coolest lesson plans I had were still ridiculed and mocked.

9. I wore dowdy clothes. It might have been that I was reflecting a defeated inner spirit, or that I didn't want to mess up my nice outfits, but the kids discounted me with my horrible, cheap outfits. If I do it again, this time I'm dressing nicely.

10. I won't get to intensely into it. It's a job, it's worth doing well, but although one good teacher can change the path of one student, you can't save them all. It's that starfish story "it mattered to that one." Sometimes you have to accept that the timing is off. Not all smart kids are ready to act right and do right. The less I invest personally, the better off we'll all be.

Don't get me wrong, this is the last resort. If none of the other jobs comes through, and if for some reason a teaching job does, then I'll give it my best shot.

At least if this is my destiny, then I have a better handle on it than I did the last time.

The right job

I went to Dallas to celebrate my mother's 70th birthday, so I spent a LOT of time with my family within a 36 hour period.

I was telling my sister about my job search as we tooled around in her new convertible and she became quite frustrated with me about my fatalism regarding my job prospects.

Many people who know me are horrified to find out that I am applying for secretarial/administrative work.

My Mother: "But you have Master's Degree."

My Sister: "You can afford to wait for the right job."

My former manager: "You don't have to do admin work." (the emphasis on admin is the same as it would be if I had said prostitution.)

One good thing that I did was get in touch with a former manager and tap him for a job. He's recommended a couple at his company, but he's not the direct hiring manager, so we'll see where that goes.

I apply for jobs on Career Builder, Monster, Hot Jobs, Linked in, Solo Gigs, USA JOBS and I search the website of each company with a large presence here in Atlanta. I have applied for exactly 93 jobs, everything from Administrative Assistant to Account Director and I have received 4 emails. The emails tell me that I am not the one they chose to interview. I mean, I can't even get the interview.

At first it was easy enough to excuse the lack of movement on these resume submissions as "the Holidays." The first week of January you could dismiss the lack of movement due to "just getting back to work." But if I don't hear something soon from someone, I'm going to start panicking.

Oh, and it's not that I'm over qualified, or under qualified or anything like that, I customize my resume for each job.

So, is it "the economy" or is it me? It's something to think about. And that reminds me, the outplacement firm owes me a call.

Pondering Income Tax Refunds

Where have I been? When did the income tax return business get so big? I have a book that points out that the "Rapid Refund" is really a predatory lending scam, which makes sense to me. But I don't remember my financial life ever revolving around my income tax return money. Not in my twenties, not ever.

I watch a lot of court shows. My favorite is People's Court, but I can handle Judge Judy too. Apparently many, many people work their entire household finances around the windfall they get when they get their tax refund. I had absolutely no idea. Really?

In my twenties I filed 1040 EZ and got a few hundred bucks back. I never saw this as a bonanza, I usually paid my car insurance with it, or something like that. According to the court shows the folks at the lower end of the income spectrum really depend on their refunds to make their budgets work.

Judging by the large number of commercials now advertising tax services, I see that getting the money as early as possible is a huge deal for some people. Some tax prep places are willing to extend loans based upon the last pay stub. I'm sure there are some processing fees that equal some huge percentage of the amount to be refunded.

It's insidious. You pay them to prepare the taxes, around $70 bucks, then they have a loan origination fee of $40 or $50, and you can have your refund in about 4 or 5 days. Never mind that you can do your own 1040 EZ in about 5 minutes, since you don't have anything other than the standard deduction, and have your money in about a week, if you file early.

I used a CPA last year. Want to talk about a scam? He charged $900 to prepare our taxes. The only reason I did it was because of some property we own in Kentucky that we needed to have sorted out. I usually use TurboTax, but I'm beginning to wonder about that too. You pay $49 for the software and $15.00 each to file State and Federal. I do it because I like to file electronically.

I'm going to see if the IRS has a way for me to do the taxes on line for free. That would be Sweeeeeet!

An overcast Sunday

James and I stayed up until about 2:00 am this morning watching stuff blow up on Destroyed in Seconds on the Discovery Channel. They do something pretty cool there, they show some horrifying destructive stuff, and they keep the casualties down, so you don't feel so crappy about cheering on the apocalypse.

So we slept in today. I did my usual Sunday routine of getting the morning paper in my PJ's, and clipping coupons. There aren't usually coupons in papers directly after holidays, so it's been a couple of weeks. Many of my coupons expired on 12/31, so I replenished my stock. It exhausted me, sitting in bed, watching HGTV and clipping and filing. So I rested and finally got out at around 2 to actually do the shopping.

I subscribe to the Grocery Game, which provides me with a list of store sales and coupon combinations so that I can save the maximum amount of money. Naturally I had my coupons, but I forgot my list. the freebie at Publix was a box of frosted corn flakes. Every Sun and Mon they have a .01 coupon for one of their store brand items. Last week it was salad dressing (going straight to the food bank) this week it's cereal (going straight into my pantry.) No matter, I remembered everything on the list except the pasta, which I can get tomorrow or Tuesday, depending on when I go to do my Kroger shopping.

I feel like such a housefrau.

So tomorrow is D-day, the day when everyone returns to work in earnest, hopefully the dam will burst and offers for job interviews will flood me. I have 74 active applications in, Come On! Something will have to shake loose.

Next weekend I am going to Dallas to have dinner with my family to celebrate my mother's 70th birthday. I have a weird feeling that she's going to be disappointed. She's invited her brother and sister-in-law to come, but my sister tells me that they're starting to whinge about coming down from Witchita (so now you know who lives there. My uncle is in meat.) I sure hope they make it. Personally, I'd rather not bother, but I've got my plane ticket, so I'm committed.

Mercury goes retrograde on the 11th, which is the day that I fly home, gnarly! How fun is that?

Have a great time everyone!

Oh to be young in the 80's in San Francisco!

A couple of nights ago I had this weird dream where I was desperately trying to write a blog entry about how wonderful my misspent youth in San Francisco was in the 80's. Well, I'm very bored and I just saw a bit of Purple Rain and now I am inspired.

When I moved to San Francisco I went with my family I had dropped out of school after 3 not so successful years at ASU. My GPA when I left was a very respectable 2.0. Let's just say that parties were more interesting than class. There's a joke I like to tell on myself. I was going to an American History exam after spending a few hours reading the textbook to prepare myself for the final. The problem? I couldn't remember where the class was. I went the first day, but sort of never went at any other time. I'm told that people have nightmares about such things, me, I just live it. Sort of takes the bite out of that sort of fear.

Anywho, we moved to San Francisco. I was out of work and my job was to see that my sister got to SFSU while my Mom worked. My Dad and my uncle were still in Phoenix trying to sell the house. I spent a lot of time alone in our apartment. Sort of like now. I had zero dollars when I moved, so I had no money to do anything with. I did file for unemployment and oddly enough I got some, so after a couple of weeks I started getting checks for something like $82 per week. Judy started to joke that I was so starved for something to do that my conversations started "Today on the Muppet Show..."

After a stint doing phone sex (not nearly as interesting or fun or sexy as you would think,) I got a real job at MCI. It was for $6.00 per hour in Orinda, Ca. I remember thinking that it would be okay until I found something better. At MCI I met Al and Carlos and we became friends. The three of us would get together and go out in The City on the weekends. They decided to move the office into The City, south of Market Street after about a year and that's when things really got interesting.

A bunch of us from the office would go out on Fridays after work. Cadillac Bar, where I was introduced to tequila poppers. The new Hard Rock on Van Ness, where I'd eat the tuna sandwiches because that was the decade I didn't eat meat. We'd start out somewhere respectible and end up in some really dodgy places well after midnight. The Stud, The End Up and Hamburger Mary's to name a few. Denny's in Japantown, or Clown Alley to cap off the night, then I'd head home in my Duster across the Bay Bridge into Alameda county.

My mom would wake me up on Saturday mornings so I could drive her back into San Francisco to shop at Union Square. She'd buy me a strong cup of coffee and I would wait for her to try on elusive black pants, or white silk blouses or black pumps. We'd have lunch at the St. Francis hotel where our waiter Manny would fawn all over her while I'd eat lobster ravioli.

I decided to go back to school in 85 and enrolled at SFSU with my sister. She lived in the dorms on campus, I commuted from Pinole, a small community at the edge of Alameda county. I paid my parents rent and I came and went as I pleased. I paid $400 per month. Even in the 80's San Francisco was expensive, but when I think about it, that's pretty high.

For a year an a half I went to the swing shift at work so I could go to school in the mornings. I'd wake up at 5:30 AM, shower and dress and drive to the bus stop to pick up two commuters so they could save on the fare and I could save the tolls and time across the bridge in the moring. There's a slang word for it now, Slugs.

I'd drop them off at the Transbay Terminal and I'd go hang out at the studio of my favorite radio show, Alex Bennet on Live 105. He had comedians live in the studio and I got to meet all kinds of guys when they were first starting out. Dana Gould, Tom Kinney, Greg Proops and a guy named Stephen Pearl, from whom Robin Willims stole material so prodigiously that it ruined his career.

I'd head on into school, do a couple of classes. I'd let my sister make me a bagel at the stand where she worked, or a sandwich at that stand when she changed jobs. If I stayed out partying too late, I'd just sleep over on her floor in the dorm. Or in the car in the parking lot. It seemed normal to me.

I'd go to work from 12:30 to 9:30 and then out to party or home to sleep. And then I'd wake up and do it all over again. I'm sleepy just thinking about it now. If anyone wonders why I don't drink and I go to bed early, I'll tell them, "I did it all, twice, in my twenties and I don't have any more of it left in me." Seriously, I get hammered with half a glass of wine.

Al and Carlos moved on, I hung out with Joe, who is still one of my best friends. Joe has lived in the same rent controlled apartment for the past 25 years. It's on the corner of Pierce and Hayes facing Alamo Square park. He's got a parking space in the garage. I believe that in the 80's he paid $900 per month for it, he might pay $2000 now. Market value is easily twice that. He'd let me sleep on his couch and he'd make breakfast in the morning of Eggo waffled, fresh fruit, coffee and oj. He's a good host.

His bathroom is completely retro in beautiful seafoam green tiles. He has a window that has a great view north and on a clear day you can see the Golden Gate. I loved to take a shower there, with the window open letting in the cold air, looking at his view. He has always had the map of the world shower curtain, because the green in it matches the tile.

Joe liked to go to Alta Plaza on Filmore and The Midnight Sun. The former was an upscale place where we'd get a booth in the corner and hold court. The Midnight Sun is a dive where they show campy clips and videos on televisions. After a while the patrons look like trout while staring at the televisions. As we moved into different jobs, we'd all gather at Joe's apartment for cocktails while he "fluffed" (not as in a porno movie, more as in getting pretty for the night.) Then we'd hit the town.

Sometimes I'd go out with my girlfriends, mostly to Union Street, but it wasn't as much fun as going out with my gay guy friends. Union Street is a meat market, with bridge and tunnel types trying to get lucky in the city. Tres Tacky.

I had cute outfits to go out in, I still buy those types of clothes, but I have nowhere to wear them.

It was a strange time. So many people I knew were sick and dying from AIDS. It was never out in the open. You'd realize that you hadn't seen someone for a while and then you'd be visiting in the hospital, then you'd be at the memorial. My mother was concerned for me because she didn't think it was normal for someone to know so many sick people. Word.

I remember a lot of the milestones about AIDS. I remember when they were debating closing the bathouses, I remember when they found the retrovirus, I remember when they came up with the diagnostic test.

I got an apartment in Oakland and a job in San Jose, that's a 4o mile commute, 80 if you do it down and back. My building was managed by a guy I worked with and he filled the place with people he knew from work. It was a big party, on Sunday's we all get together and eat a meal out back on the picnic table. After a year or so I couldn't hack the commute anymore, so I moved to San Jose.

I got a second job at Macy's and I was still running around like a loon. On stressful nights when I didn't have to work, I'd call up a friend and we'd go to Santa Cruz to ride the roller coaster, eat pizza and watch the ocean.

I had a little apartment and it was perfect for me. My friend Donna semi-moved in and we'd stay up all hours talking, drinking coffee and laughing like crazy. Donna and I are still friends.

I know I'm rambling, but compared to now, my life was so full then. I'm so bored now and I'm wishing that I had a little bit of the life I used to have. Maybe that's why I'm trying for jobs that are more entry-level, I'm trying to recapture that part of my life where your co-workers are your friends.

*sigh*

Okay, the forced march up memory lane is done. Back to the blog already in progress.

Happy New Year!

Usually people do resolutions for the new year. Who keeps them? They require resolve and in times like these, resolve is hard to come by.

Instead I'm going to do my intentions. I intend to do these things, but if they require resolve...well, who's to say?

1. I intend to up my exercise, instead of trotting on the treadmill, I will actually work out.

2. I intend to eat with my health in mind. I refuse to diet, but I will eat things that are good for me.

3. In furtherance of 2, I will not drive through any more. Junk food is okay every once in a while, but it's not really a good idea every day.

4. I forgive myself my shortcomings. I'm not perfect, no one expects me to be perfect therefore perfection is just not necessary.

5. On the other hand, if I'm home all day the house might as well be spotless.

6. I will not allow myself to get too comfortable hanging around the house. Finding a new job is a job in and of itself.

7. You can't get enough of what you don't really need, I will stop trying to fill boredom with shopping and eating. Perhaps I can fill boredom with exercise, thus killing two birds with one stone.

8. I will do a better job of keeping up with my friends. Thank goodness for Facebook!

9. I admit that debt has gotten out of hand. Thankfully my severance will take care of a good portion of it. The fact that we won't be entirely debt free just highlights how out of hand our spending got. Refer to numbers 4 and 7, at least we're on the right track now.

10. I intend to be happy, just like I am now.

So have a happy new year and good luck with any self-improvement projects you have in 2009!