Business Casual

Whoever decided that Business Causal was a good idea was a sadist.

In the olden tymes one wore office attire. For ladies this meant hose, heels, skirts, blouses and in the days of Malloy, a big, floppy bow made out of a scarf. Our handbags were small, since we didn’t have to carry anything electronic around. We looked nice.

Gentlemen wore suits, and took their jackets off in the office. Their shoes were bought at either Thom McCan or at Florshiem. There was a synergy in the world. We knew what was appropriate in our environment, and it was good.

I date “Business Casual” to the late eighties. The first time I encountered it was at a week long training session in Washington, D.C. The attire was to be “business casual” for all except one day, for that we had to be dressed in “office attire.” I went shopping trying to find appropriate items.

One thing I remember was a dress and jacket that I bought at Banana Republic. The dress was a fitted shift, with wooden buttons down the front, a band at the small of the back, anchored with wooden buttons and the jacket was the same design as a denim jacket, complete with snaps, but in the same floral as the dress. I also had to buy shoes to match.

I loved the outfit, but let’s face it, there was NEVER an appropriate occasion to wear it. First of all, don’t buy a dress with buttons up the front because you are only a movement away from disaster. First the button goes flying, then people can see your underwear. So it’s no good for work. You can’t wear it to a club, it’s a bit too casual. I spent $135.00 on the outfit and I kept it for a decade. I might have worn it twice. More’s the pity.

I showed up in our Nation’s Capital with the most astonishing assortment of clothing. None of it quite right. I kicked myself when I saw a colleague of mine wearing her suit skirts with turtlenecks all week. It wasn’t quite right either, but at least she didn’t go out and spend thousands of dollars on shit she’d never wear again. Dammit!

That’s the problem with “business casual” there’s no good definition of what it IS. I can tell you what it’s not.

Jeans
Hot Pants
Track Suits
Raggedy stuff
Sneakers
Juicy Couture
Tennis Dresses
Club wear

Men LOVE “business casual” because they have a uniform: khakis and a golf shirt. How easy is that? Buy five pairs of pants and assorted shirts and you’re covered. One suit for when Corporate comes to visit the office. Done.

Women could conceivably wear khakis and golf shirts, but it’s not really comfortable and it doesn’t look all that nice.

So here we are twenty years after the phrase was coined and it’s very difficult to find any American business enforcing an “office attire” policy. I remember when I worked for MCI and we showed up in our suits at a warehouse for a sales call. One of the wags working a forklift announced our arrival, “Hey Joe! The FBI’s here!” Ha. Ha.

When I worked for BellSouth in Nashville, Friday was casual day. That meant you could wear jeans. Technically our office was “business casual” but my boss wore a suit four days a week, “dressing for the job he wanted.” (The joke was on him though; the guy in the job he wanted wore short sleeves and no tie.) He hinted that his direct reports should also “dress for the jobs they wanted.” I threatened to come to work in a bathrobe. Didn’t go over too well.

It used to be that when you were in sales that you dressed like the executives you were meeting with. Hence the suits. But now CEO’s wear flip-flops and cut-offs. So you have to find a happy medium. There’s a medium alright, but I’m not sure I’m all that happy.

So what do I wear to work? Lots of comfortable outfits. I don’t wear pantyhose any more. Although I have a drawer FULL of them, just in case. I wear slacks and blouses, skirts and blouses. Cute little dresses, with sweaters, in case the A/C is too cold. I have lots and lots of outfits now, more summer clothes than winter clothes, but a nice assortment just the same.

One thing I’ve noticed is that what we spend on clothing hasn’t changed, but the amount and quality of that clothing has changed. We used to spend significant amounts of money on high quality suits, paying to have them tailored to fit properly. I asked someone in a department store how much they charged for alterations and I got a blank look. Because of the expense we had fewer outfits, but they were of much better quality and lasted for more than one season. The same with shoes. Now our expectation is that our clothes and shoes are good for one, maybe two seasons, then we’re off to replenish our wardrobes with more disposable outfits.

Now we buy more off the rack. The looks are faddish, young and frankly a bit cheap. I do okay at rotating things out of my closet that I don’t wear. My rule is that if I didn’t wear it last season, it’s gone. An item in my closet is usually there for 3 years. Although if it’s too trendy or too crappy looking I have no problem donating it to charity.

I like summer clothes better than winter clothes. In winter I have to wear pants which aren’t as comfy as skirts, because you can’t go bare-legged in cold weather and tights and hose look weird nowadays.

So why is it that I shop, week after week, chasing down one last item to make my wardrobe perfect? I wish I knew.

Consultants. Parasites.

Our company is of the size where it is attractive for the PTB (Powers That Be) to buy shrink-wrapped software solutions. We have inventory that is tracked with RFI and associated software. We clock in with one program. We manage our sales contacts with another. We cobble reports together from Excel spreadsheets stored and updated on the shared drive.

On one hand, it works, on the other, it’s completely dysfunctional.

I have the power of perspective. Coming from a very large company with many legacy systems, some nearly 50 years old, I know what real, honest dysfunction is.

It’s a matter of adoption. I get the impression that my employer has ADD when it comes to technology. We dabble a bit with this, check out a bit of that, and most people have the opinion that if you wait long enough you’ll never have to deal with the current technology, since we’ll be onto the next cool, new, thing.

Our IT guy wants to shift from one Customer Relationship Manager to another. This is where the “consultants” come in.

My previous experience has been that Consultants are hired, dispassionate third-parties who evaluate your current systems and make costly recommendations that the PTB choose not to do.

This week we’ve had the Consultants in, and they are, as Morbo says, “Numerous and Belligerent.” Well, maybe not belligerent, but certainly biased. Should we be concerned that they are a Microsoft Platinum Partner?

We spent 10 hours in a room with them, each department giving a presentation explaining their operations, their ‘pain points’ and their wish lists for the prospective new software. It was incredibly professional. We hauled out the big projector, put the presentations on animated PowerPoints and catered breakfast, lunch and snacks. People flew in from all the different offices to be here.

The Consultant contingent was comprised of 5 people. FIVE! Is that how many you need? Really? We sat there discussing the things that frustrate us and they took copious notes. Then they put it on the flip chart paper, tore it off and posted on the wall. I felt like I was trapped in a cheesy sales video. “Now how would you prioritize these issues?”

I piped up and asked, “Gosh, this seems so integrated, shouldn’t we be looking at an ERP (Enterprise Resource Planning) instead of a CRM? The head Consultant smiled indulgently at me and said, “Well, yes, I think that’s the direction we’re going in.” Yuk. If it’s an ERP then we’re 24 months away from anything usable. In the meantime, I’m studying up on how to add to and upgrade our existing CRM. Two years is a ways off in the future and I’m not banking on anything.